- I live for projects and have always been an idea factory. They are produced faster and more abundantly than they can be executed. And I can live with that. The exercise of thinking about them is sufficient. If it wouldn’t seem odd to name “coming with ideas” as a hobby, I would put that on every questionnaire that inquires.
- I love people and I’m surrounded by people who love me. And I’m very grateful. I thank God often for the people He has placed in my life; I feel ridiculously blessed for having them.
- I actually like my job, though I think it threatens to kill me; every day I step through the door, there is a sense of impending doom. “This is the day the tasks and the child-fatigue will get the best of me.”
Ok, the point is, all of this makes me feel full; I actually really enjoy my life, though I’m busy and broke. That’s a bad combination.
But, occasionally this lovely balance is interrupted by the entrance of unexpected figures. The male kind. And it’s hard to explain what happens. Everything doesn’t change, but the addition is not like one of a new hobby that I really like, or a new buddy buddy friend who loves to dance, or even a new restaurant with a band that plays fire Caribbean and African music with sweet guitar rhythms and a nice bass line. (that was a tangent. But that’s just something I really, really would enjoy). It’s a different kind of niceness.
[random shift to speaking in the 2nd person] All of a sudden, this man has decided, by no prompting on your part (in some cases. In other cases, he was been prompted by very clever, calculated, yet subversive prompting on your part) that you will be the object of his attention, and proceeds to shower you with sweetness. This is not like getting a banging outfit on clearance at a high-end store. And that’s, like, a really good feeling. But this is in a category of its own. He is now expressing concern for your well being, caring about your needs and even wants to take care of them (when he can), and looks at you like you’re all he sees; everyone else is scenery, but you’re the subject of the picture. What makes a man do this? What a departure from normal maleness. I can’t get over it.
And when it happens, it’s not just flattering. I realize I’m getting an amazing gift from someone that I didn’t earn. And of course I want to reciprocate, but I don’t think what I give him quite matches what he’s given me. This man sees me and is choosing to invest time, energy, and emotions in me; he is taking a risk (because you know we don’t appreciate every man who comes along. We’re risky business, us females) because he's decided I’m worth it. I’m not talking about superficial “tryin to holla” type stuff. He’s made a decision, one I can only believe reflects the imprint of God on the hearts of men. I take not one phone call, outing, compliment, or even misguided piece of advice he gives for granted. I know his heart is in it, and I’m grateful he’s extended it to me.
